Save the high-quality PDF version on your device now. You can fire back with a witty and flirty response. For some reason, some people think that not texting back is cool. 33 very creative insults to intellectually insult someone with your sarcasm, How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts. See more ideas about maxine, bones funny, funny quotes. Because they are already taking their time. By acting as though they are replying too fast, you highlight the fact that they are replying too slow. "My level of sarcasm has gotten to a point where I don't even know if I am kidding anymore.". Why not laugh about it and allow it to bring us closer together? Whoever cast a voodoo spell on my love life can chill now. 9. This might be okay if they take up to 24 hours, but not more than that. If ignorance barrel prices go up, I want drilling rights to his head. Im still trying to figure out an answer to that question if Im honest. If you're taking a vacation and staying home, your clients or coworkers may still expect you to pop into the office and answer their emails. You don't need to miss them, because you are willing to travel to them, and kiss them. Who told you that? Steven Wright (comedian), "What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death." Keep asking and maybe one day youll get a sensible answer. How do you get it to curl out of your nostrils like that? Average, I think, that sounds about right. Let's grab a drink" 3) "Hey, how was that [insert something specific she mentioned when you met her]?" 4) "You can stop worrying about me I made it home safely last night" Not so much. "All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage." Lord Byron (poet) The following two tabs change content below. 85. How impressive! Your response should depend on the rapport you share with the sender. Like for your friends and close ones, here are some witty responses and replies to make them laugh, because they know exactly how you're doing and ask you as par of formality. He sold it to me on his deathbed. Clever comebacks not only showcase your distastethey demonstrate your intelligence, too. Yup, I dont share it. Here are 28 of the best ghosting responses to send someone whos been ignoring you. 54. Well, seeing as you care, how long do you have? As a result, they were so fixated on thinking about you, they forgot to reply to you. I like being single. If you are not happy being single, then you will never be happy being in a relationship. If its better than yours Ill chalk it up as a win. (Say it like he or. I dont chase them just to satisfy my sexual desires. So, it might be wise to double-check theyre still alive before you complain. Let's face itat my age, I'm very pleased to be anywhere." George Burns (comedian) "The trouble with quotes about death is that 99.9% of them are made by people who are still alive." Joshua Burns. Im quite certain that Im single because I didnt forward those chain messages stating: forward this to 10 people and you will meet the love of your life in 10 days, or else you suffer bad luck in the past. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. This just in: Bad communication skills are not trending this season! Then I hope you find someone whos good looking, honest, smart, and cultured. 1. My day was fine, it was everything else that was the problem. Its the same reason why I dont post pictures of myself. 1. Living a life of suppressed rage, emotional imbalance, and denial. How are you? could be much more than a basic question, but we tend to stick to the same old, half-hearted responses. If this doesnt cause them to reply, then maybe you should rethink your friendship with this person. Rather than kicking yourself later when you think of something clever you should have said, keep a few witty insults and comebacks at the ready, just in case. 3. It could always have been worse. There is not always a need to be so funny, witty, or clever. Depends who you ask, if you ask me, it was fine. But half the time, it is a nightmare. Checklists & Reminders! Herodotus (historian), "At my age, I do what Mark Twain did. Thats the biggest joke Ive heard recently. I've come up with a compilation of funny and clever answers to the question Why are you still single?. Once youre dead, youre made for life. Jimi Hendrix (musician), Death will be a great relief, no more interviews. Katharine Hepburn (actress), Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men. Herodotus (historian), You know youre old when the candles cost more than the cake. Bob Hope (comedian), Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them. EW Howe (author), There are more dead people than living, and their numbers are increasing. (Act suspicious of everything and everyone!). 4. Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. Mentally? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Here are some funny, witty, snarky, smart, and sarcastic responses to some of those annoying everyday questions its hard to avoid: I couldnt possibly cover all of the annoying everyday questions that are probably chipping away at you, but here are some of the most popular: Related 26+ Funny Responses to Being Asked on a Date (Replying Yes or No), Related 29+ Funny Responses to Compliments. Nowadays, potential mates need money. Because no one worthy has beaten me yet in a card fight! Do you ever find yourself getting annoyed with yourself because you just thought of an awesomely good comeback to something someone said earlier? Tell them to stop being nosy and avoid answering. But, they will grow up into a dog. Obviously, thats because I dont have a boyfriend/girlfriend! 3. 66. Maybe they like you so much that it triggered some kind of reaction that ended their life. Nothing that you probably cant figure out if you tried. This one is bound to get a laugh. 4. Suppose you're about to join a group when they stop by and ask if you want to join. Here's one to use when you're having a spectacular day. In reality, they are not cool, they are just rude. I will leave that up to your imagination. 2. Even if life is rough, be happy that you're still alive. Thats why Im single. Then you die. Your 3rd @ has one shot to make a three or you die. 20 Warning Signs You Are In A Codependent 20 Warning Signs You Are In A Codependent Relationship. Great, because my name wasnt in todays obituaries. How are you? I learned my lesson. Break the cycle, rise above, focus on science! Read more about Martin here. Hopefully, not as good as I will ever be. Im always there when I need me. At the end of the day, if theyre not putting in the effort to let you know theyre not interested, theyre probably not worth your time. While most of us answer with an uninspired I am fine, thank you, the universal greeting question how are you? This is the perfect time for you to become a missing person. 10. 12. #maudit # peter o'toole # happy birthdayyy # im glad youre still alive. Humans are very complex creatures, but we're also creatures of habit who say one thing when we mean another. Its more likely that theyre just being a bad friend. 101. I agree, thanks for sharing. 32. provided, of course, that he really is dead." Id love to give you a nasty look, but it appears you already have one. You'll be asked how you are almost every single day, which is why you should add some humor to your answers. You do the work of three men: Larry, Moe, and Curly. Its too small to be out there all alone. I hate to break it to you, but Im not single. Rita Rudner (comedian), "When I die, I want my body to be donated for research, but more specifically, to a scientist who is working on bringing dead bodies back to life." You just have bad luck at thinking. Why is it OK for you to be an idiot, but not OK for me to point it out? He's jokingly texting if you're ok. I had been dead for billions of years before I was born and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience. Mark Twain (author), Im not afraid to die, I just dont want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen (comedian), The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. Dave Barry (author), Always go to other peoples funerals, otherwise they wont come to yours. Yogi Berra (baseball player), Im very pleased to be here. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. You just live. Perhaps it will encourage them to respond quicker in the future. My lawyer has stated that I dont have to answer that question. The only thing offending me right now is your face. [deleted] 5 yr. ago. I know youre nobodys fool, but maybe youll be adopted someday. What if questions can help you form connections fast, but you don't want to rush or force it. Sarcastic response: Express the appropriate level of enthusiasm, then let this handsome, cheeky British man (aka Jimmy from You're The Worst) do the talking: 3. Oh, what a long list. 86. If they are not going to reply, perhaps the archaeologists who discover their phone will. Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. If you're brain-dead, you're dead. Things You Should Know about Birth Control Pills 62 Beautiful Makeup Inspos for Girls Who Are Not Afraid to Play with Color "Like an echo asking a shadow to dance on a mirage, this one is even funnier when an ugly person says, My friend always says "gooder". 100. (Say it like he or she is complimenting you even though he or she is not.) More like give me a sign that you're still alive. If I had a tail, I'd wag it. Id love to insult you, but you probably wouldnt understand. Another way to say Still Alive? I plead the fifth. I'd love to give you a nasty look, but it appears you already have one. Are you always this dumb, or are you making a special effort today? Sometimes, being emotional stops us from replying to the messages of others. Now you can be! 9 Best Ways To Ask Someone To Talk On The Phone, 9 Other Ways to Say Im Good At on a Resume, 10 Polite Ways to Say No Visitors after Surgery, 11 Best Ways to Say Im Here for You to a Loved One, 10 Professional Ways to Say I Am Not Feeling Well. There are nosy people everywhere! I wrote him a cheque for it, post-dated of course. Chic Murray (comedian), When I die, I hope to go to heaven, whatever the hell that is. Ayn Rand (author), The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesnt get worse every time congress meets. Will Rogers (actor), "My grandmother was a very tough woman. You sure have a bodacious rackfor a guy. I'm not Hal and we're not in space. Were already married, remember?! Theres only one problem with your face: I can see it. can be tackled in some really interesting ways. For example, when people expect you to say yes, you say no; when people wish you to say a big number, you give a tiny number. 2. My bad, its just your mouth. but that was before I read Fred's comment below. This is one of those worst epic responses to I love you makes us feel for the poor love-struck fellow. When a date's playing it hot and cold or you haven't heard from your crush in weeks, these witty ghosting responses will help you clear the air and your mind. Everyone wants me, but no one dares! Maybe they had a giant project at work and lost contact with all their friends and loved ones. Hanging by a thread. This way, youre insulting themand they just might be dumb enough not to notice. No, I'm Finnish. Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. If you're friendly and check in with each other here and there, reply but keep the conversation short. Same thing youre doing, talking to you now. [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]. Thats because theres no vacancy in my heart. It depends on what or who I compare myself to. 42. Some good old fashioned sarcasm, there is nothing wrong with it. 25. (Wriggle your hips), Oh, stop it, will you? I laugh at my own jokes before I finish them. Oh, a thought crossed your mind? *licks lips*. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Are You Still Alive animated GIFs to your conversations. Susan Winter, relationship expert, and bestselling author, This article was originally published on Dec. 15, 2020. Because my milkshake doesnt bring boys to the yard. When you show them how you're not affected by them at all, that's when your comedic skills become the best and make others laugh as well. funny response to are you still alive. But it can be funny. 6. If corporate email language won't do it, nothing will. As geeky as it is, this funny response to I love you has got to make you chuckle. 5. You may have noticed that I take a step back when we talk. Totally fine! How Am I Still Alive. My guardian angel be like 2. If you are in a coma, on the other hand, you are legally very much alive. Theres this one time when a cute guy/gal asked me if I have a boyfriend/girlfriend and I said yes because I didnt hear the question. I've Been Thinking About You Too They might not be with you right now, but they will always be on your mind. When you're mad, but don't want to ruin your impression, this is a nice way to reply to your crush or match. You look tired. 5. You don't need to say it. If I had a tail, I would wag it! It's best to say when you're in a horrible situation, like in a class you can't stand. Im telling you, the trash gets taken out more than me. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Some Funny Responses to Everyday Questions. Stop joking! Unknown, "He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend . To text, most of us need our thumbs. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Although for some, traveling to your partner might not be an option. Don't Push It Too Far. No one loves superheroes. Sometimes, it can be hard thinking on your feet, especially when youre joking around with your friends or in the midst of a heated exchange. 28. 37. Could Be Payday. I havent met the right one yet. 15. 76. I suggest you do a little soul searching. I love you. Socioeconomically? Hopefully, youll stay there. Everyone always thinks being asked how you are means your health or a general standing-but what about if it isn't? Oh, stop it, will you? Or, "Happy and content, thanks for asking. Is that a scar on your face? If you're really feeling them, you can give them one last chance to make up for their communication lag. Patrick Moore (astronomer), "Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote' so that on my deathbed, my last words could be 'end quote.'" It must have been a long, lonely journey. In reality, "How are you?" could be more than just a . Dear family and friends of Arthur Dayn, As we enter into an unprecedented dark age with the invisible enemy known as COVID-19, the life of our dear friend Arthur Dayn ends. "If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.". I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if Im not there, I carry on as usual. Patrick Moore (astronomer), He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. HH Munro (author), My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldnt wish to meet. It might seem like a joke, but this is what I think. I just adore my own company. OK, so now at least you should have some idea of how to respond if your ex texts you out of the blue. Siri, why am I still single? 17. Discover what these funny, yet morbid, jokes about burial and death have in common in this hilarious piece about "Alive Jokes". If they take several days to talk to you again, thats a sign that either they dont want to talk to you, or, they were so dirty that its taken them that song to shower. I am not sure what you mean. I play hard to get even if nobody is trying to get me. What to say when your crush asks how you are? However, we wouldn't recommend you to overdone your sarcasm. I'm wondering how you are. People tend to ask the same questions whenever you see them, which is why you should have a few different replies to "How are you?" How much are you willing you pay me if I tell you? Choose one of these responses to inject some life into your monotonous chats. But, if you do say it, it will highlight the problem. You are about as interesting as a documentary on dirt. That's boyfriend material.