"Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. Which doesn't make any sense at all. "My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' If a dog can do it, you can watch. How do school teachers handle this? You throw out the first three commandments, wssst! ", 36. This cookie is set by Eloqua. Transcribed part of speech begins at 10.33 13 May 1999, National Press Club, Washington DC, USA This is an incomplete transcript made by Raven Developers . ", 15. So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Thats what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court. They don't want to hear from you . Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. After that, they don't want to know about you. This gif says it all: Carlins performance is being passed around on social media after a leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court indicates that Roe v. Wade may soon be overturned, paving the way for abortion to be outlawed in parts of the nation. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". They own everything. ", 10. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. The cookies contains information that allows Prebid servers to distinguish between browsers and mobile devices. The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. ", 43. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. ""Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. 43. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. he was a conservative. they don't wanna know about you. You think the schools are the way they are by accident? I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. If you think too much, you will be left behind by everyone. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. ", 51. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. Prof Thuggy aka Professor Thug 32K views 1. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. "I was a loner as a child. Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. That is against their interests. George Carlin. I don't trust none of them. Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. ", 25. "Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ", 75. ", 3. ", 2. "Dont just teach your children to read. These days, 'Trajedi. "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. You dont. ", 49. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. ", 121. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? [5] And another one: Next, honor thy father and mother. I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. LinkedIn sets this cookie to remember a user's language setting. "In America, anyone can become president. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. Broadly speaking. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. ", 76. Set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin, this cookie is used to record the user consent for the cookies in the "Advertisement" category . But this week, his voice has brought to life a new anti-Trump video called America Wake Up, created by a. This cookie is set by Prebid Server. Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. After that, they don't want to know about you. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. I like people who buck the system. Germany lost the Second World War. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. Everything He ever makes dies. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. They dont care about you at all. ", 45. AdScale sets this cookie to target ads by registering the user's movements across websites. "People are wonderful one at a time. But He loves you. The ad-id cookie is provided by Amazon Advertising for tallying user actions by tracking ad clicks on other websites, to provide targeted content. ", 119. This cookie is used for implementing audio files on the website. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. ", 26. You caused the problem. ", 6. Where are these people hiding? You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. ", 125. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. They dont fall out of the sky. However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. Its you. 3. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? The _omappvp cookie is set to distinguish new and returning users and is used in conjunction with _omappvs cookie. "I think people shouldbe allowed to do what they want. Everybody says they suck. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. "I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. When you leave them in the morning they stick their noses in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you return eight hours later. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. Lobbying, to get what they want. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. September 12, 2019. ", 112. ", 104. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. ", 8. Over time, though, his success grew. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. Carlin is usually spot on. "I have certain rules I live by. MediaMath sets this cookie to avoid the same ads from being shown repeatedly and for relevant advertising. - George Carlin. YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. Others see it half empty. They own all the important land. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. Our country is failing because the majority of the people are selfish. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. You have owners. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". This cookie is set by Akamai. They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. Its a big club and you aint in it. The table has tilted, folks. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. An Adobe Analytics cookie that uses a unique visitor ID time/date stamp to identify a unique vistor to the website. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. They will do anything for the unborn. . Toothpicks? Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. The game is rigged. You have owners. Teach them to question everything. "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. ", 106. "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Laugh until you gasp for breath. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". Then youre just what theyre looking for. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. This cookie allows the website to identify a user and provide enhanced functionality and personalisation. This cookie is installed by Google Analytics. (LogOut/ "Would a fly without wings be called a walk? This cookie is native to PHP applications. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. We havent tried that for a while. Am I right? George Carlin : And I'll guarantee you one thing: you start executing, you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross on national TV, you're gonna see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. By programmers in one hour. ", 77. The _omappvs cookie, used in conjunction with the _omappvp cookies, is used to determine if the visitor has visited the website before, or if it is a new visitor. This anonymous data helps us to better understand users' needs and customize the website accordingly. ", 55. This cookie supports the website's live support provider. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. ", 116. ", 59. They own everything. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. -George Carlin There you are. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. "Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. You're down to seven. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! They own everything.. When you see the documentary, you'll see this, but the evolution of Carlin wasn't just . The __gads cookie, set by Google, is stored under DoubleClick domain and tracks the number of times users see an advert, measures the success of the campaign and calculates its revenue. This cookie, set by DataXu, tracks the advertisement report which helps to improve the marketing activity. ", 11. ", 30. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. "Some people see the glass half full. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. Juno3127 10 years ago You couldn't be more wrong. They're all in favor of the unborn. In fact, sometimes you get the impression that theyre the only ones who vote. I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. He was 71 years old. 42. Everybody says they suck. 123 Rocky_Roku 1 yr. ago Didn't he say that he despised liberalism just as much as conservatism? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! Everybody complains about politicians. The Great George Carlin. ", 52. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. "Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. "Never argue with an idiot. This cookie can only be read from the domain they are set on and will not track any data while browsing through other sites. ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. The challenge is to find it. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. "I put a dollar in a change machine. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. The Romantic Comedy You Should Watch This Valentines Day, Based On Your ZodiacSign, Valentines Day Streaming Guide: The Best Rom-Coms To Binge On Netflix, HBO Max, AndMore, How Narcissists Use Dog Whistling To Covertly Abuse You: Signs Of This Dangerous ManipulationMethod, 11 Christmas Movies To Watch If Youre Dealing With Heartbreak Over TheHolidays. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. George Carlin on Being Arrested for Performing "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" Johnny Carson 325K views 3 months ago George Carlin - Stand Up About Religion Matti Holden 13M. "Men are from. Everybody's . Try spelling Evian backward. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. "Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Politicians don't care about you. From Life Is Worth Losing. ", 17. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. "I have lots of ideas. The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. You have no right to complain. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked." ", George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Theyre not interested in that. The GUC cookie is set by Yahoo for Yahoo conversion tracking. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Owned by agkn, this cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. Twitter sets this cookie to integrate and share features for social media and also store information about how the user uses the website, for tracking and targeting. Its called fucking with people! ", 2. This information is used to pick out ads delivered by the platform and assess the ad performance and its attribute payment. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. This cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. ", 6. Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. ", 103. (LogOut/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . It helps in improving the performance. George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. ", 86. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: Its call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it., RIP George Carlin. "I have as much authority as the Pope. ""Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. The great American comedian George Carlin died on June 22, 2008 at the age of 71. They own you. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this week's reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. They own you. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? "It helps to remember this.. It covers the most famous 'rant' part of the speech. Now having somewhat successfully established my Press credentials and ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. "Governments don't want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe.